Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2013 14:40:53 GMT -5
"Yep, it's official: I'm lost," Naomi said to herself, there being no one else around with whom to share this insight. Something rustled in the underbrush beside her now-defunct Ford Taurus. Naomi peered through the car window, wondering if she'd feel better for spotting the source of the noise or being unable to find it. What a time for her cellphone to be out of juice!
Sighing, she crawled over to the passenger seat, looking to see if exiting the car on that side in her sandals would be any safer. Regrettably, the passenger side was no safer with a steep sided, really deep ravine just inches from her wheels alongside the car. She told herself that there was no reason - no reason at all! - for the Taurus to spontaneously leap to the right, but her gut tightened at the sight of the precipitous drop, and she edged back over to the driver's side.
Before her nerves failed her, she opened the driver's door, and stamped her left foot down into the brush, as if with her sandal and blind luck she could squash the rustling critter. A small grey creature - a ferret? a weasel? - sprang out of the brush and scampered away into the woods on the far side of the road.
"She's here! She's here!" the creature squeaked as it ran.
That was when Naomia realized that she had not just taken a wrong turn back at the covered bridge, but had fallen into some kind of rabbit hole; no wonder the Taurus had just ... died: machines likely didn't work on This Side. "Dammit, Wonderland always creeped me out," she muttered, taking the useless cellphone and throwing it at the creature.
She had had a definite choice back at the crossroads: to follow the main highway or to take a side road that led over a quaint covered bridge; in her inimitable style, she had, of course, chosen "quaint". Now, she was beginning to wish she had taken the highway, even with all that it entailed. She turned to the left and began to trudge through the over-grown roadway toward the bridge; surely she could just walk over it on foot and find her way back through the rabbit hole.
As she backtracked what she thought had been a short drive, Naomi kept hearing things whispering and moving about in the brush to her right. Even more worrisomely - she could hear her English prof telling her that wasn't a word - was the fact that the bridge, which, when she had begun walking was a brown square blur about a half a K away, now seemed to be retreating from her. She stopped, and looked back for her car, only to find that it had disappeared.
When she turned back towards the bridge, it was no longer in sight and the road in that direction had narrowed to a muddy path. When she dressed that morning, she'd known she was going to regret wearing sandals. With both car and bridge no longer in sight, and no choice but to accept her footwear, the next decision was pick a direction, which she solved by flipping the quarter she found in her jeans pocket.
As the coin spun in the air, she realized that it no longer showed Queen Elizabeth on one side and a moose on the other, but now featured a curious glyph and a portrait of a stern-looking king with pointy ears. "What have you gotten yourself into?" Naomi asked herself aloud as the coin landed portrait side up and it grinned evilly at her.
"Why whatever mischief happens to those who go down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass,over the rainbow just be careful for what you wish." came a voice from the bushes, making Naomi jump as she had not expected an answer to her rhetorical question. A short dumpy woman stepped out from the shubbery and smiled merrily at Naomi. Naomi couldn't say who or what she had expected to step out into her view, a white rabbit, a dormouse carrying his teapot, a Mad Hatter but not a Disneyesque Fairy Godmother who was busily pulling twigs from her hair.
"Who are you?" she asked.
The woman smiled, showing pointy teeth. Whoa!!! Naomi had always thought of herself as a survivor and now she turned heel and despite those stupid fashion choice sandals dug her toes in and sprinted away from the small woman as fast as she could.
"Head her off!" the woman shouted behind her.
Naomi was startled to a sudden halt when the path was suddenly blocked by a group of angry looking gnomes. Gnomes, she thought to herself, why did it have to be gnomes? Naomi pushed her gnome issues aside and took stock of her situation, quickly assessing her options, which she decided were few, as she picked up a good stout stick and planted her feet firmly on the soft loam under her.
In keeping with the way her day was going, the ground beneath her feet promptly gave way, and she tumbled down about eight feet to land in what she thought the gnomes had set up as a troll trap. Hitting the bottom hard, the air whooshing out of her lungs, leaving Naomi blinking and gasping, as her gaze went upwards to see the gnomes and the strange woman peering down at her. That was distressing enough, but then another figure loomed, huge and terrifying, behind the cluster of gnomes: a troll!
She may not like gnomes, but she had bigger ones with what she believed in her heart would be wholesale slaughter so she sucked the air back into her lungs and screamed.."Behind you...look out...monster!"
"No, no, dearie," the strange woman said in an overly sweet tone. "The monster here is you!"
The troll gave the lie to the woman's statement by picking her up by the waist and casually tossing her over his shoulder.
Well as far as Naomi could make out as the gnomes fell into confused disarray was the Troll was being a troll and that the woman was in danger so despite her better judgement she shouted "Get me out of here and I will help!"
Most of the gnomes ignored her shout - they were a bit preoccupied dodging the troll's lumbering and clumsy attempts to swat them - but one sturdy young fellow threw a rope down to her. Without hesitation Naomi gripped the rope and holding her stick as best she could climbed up hand over hand till she reached the top. The sturdy young gnome who had helped her gave her a cheery smile, and the two of them waded into the fray together, a fray that was mostly marked by gnomes being seized and tossed aside.
Naomi was sure she couldn't overpower the troll, so talking to it or escaping seemed like the best bets - maybe both at once. Naomi never thought that field hockey had any practical application when forced to play in high school, but now she was able to use that thick stick and the training she had undergone to her advantage, bringing its heavy knobby end down on a bunion on the trolls foot.
The troll opened its maw wide to howl its pain, displaying fearsome teeth and a complete lack of dental care, and then, clutching its injured foot, it fell onto the ground, luckily missing squashing any gnomes on the way down.
Troll down! it was time to smack his arm or hand as the cheery helpful gnome pulled the short lady away and the other gnomes proceeded to batter the large predator with their weapons till his captive was free! Naomi switched from field hockey to baseball: she rested her stick briefly on her shoulder, thought of the Jays winning the World Series in 1993, swung the stick and knocked the troll's head right out of the park - literally!
As she watched the head sail out of the park, or whatever, Naomi pointed over at the fence, and asked a gnome "What's over there?"
A rather grumpy gnome glanced at her and then answered "I wouldn't worry about it. You can't get there from here!" and then proceeded to chuckle as he went to the short woman and made sure she was alright.
Naomi exchanged mystified glances with the cheery young gnome and then stuck her hand out - down - to him: "I'm Naomi."
The gnome didn't reach out for her hand, but he looked up at the other lady and she nodded. With the permission of the older woman, the cheery young fellow smiled and said, "Hello, Nay Oh Me, I am called Frittle."
<Any port in a storm> thought Naomi as she nodded to the gnome "Can you please tell me,Frittle ..." her words petered out and she shook her head trying to figure what question to ask as a million suddenly raced through her head.
Frittle seemed to understand her confusion, for he smiled kindly. "Did you come from the land of the crazy steel, in your magic carriage?"
It took Naomi a moment to translate his meaning, but then she nodded and said, "And now here I am in ... what is this place called?"
Frittle scratched at his beard as he considered this question "Well depends on who you be asking Nay-Oh- Me but our scholars call it Braeshire..but mostly we just call it home."
"Are troll attacks a common problem here in Braeshire?" Noaomi ask (smiling within herself at having been given the name of "Nay Oh Me"; she wondered if Frittle would start calling her "Nay" when he got to know her better).
"Well, the thing is - the trolls themselves are not so common around these parts, but when you see a troll, you can be pretty sure there's going to be trouble."
"No time for chit-chat!" the old woman scolded Naomi and Frittle.
Naomi looked around and blurted out, "Why not?"
"Now that you're here, Nay Oh Me, we can begin the Quest, of course!" Frittle said.
"Okay, maybe not Wonderland," Naomi muttered to herself.
"There's a ... quest?" she asked aloud, looking from Frittle to the old woman.
"Of course there's a quest, why do you think we brought you here?" said the old woman. She smiled, which might have softened her features if it hadn't been for the pointy teeth which now showed again.
"So, it wasn't my fault I drove the wrong way?"
"What the use of assigning blame?" Frittle said, but he hung his head in a way that told Naomi he had been blamed - but for what?
"If I help with this quest do I get to return home?" Naomi inquired softly thinking getting back to this 'QUEST' might be best for now rather then placing blame.
"Well now, that depends, doesn't it?" said the old woman.
"Depends on what?" Naomi said with a bit of a growl in her voice as all these run-about answers were getting on her last good nerve.
"It depends on whether you can defeat the dragon," Frittle said, still hanging his head in shame.
"And why would it be up to me to slay the the thing?" Naomi asked incredulously before she snapped, "AND STOP ACTING AS IF YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG!"
Sighing, she crawled over to the passenger seat, looking to see if exiting the car on that side in her sandals would be any safer. Regrettably, the passenger side was no safer with a steep sided, really deep ravine just inches from her wheels alongside the car. She told herself that there was no reason - no reason at all! - for the Taurus to spontaneously leap to the right, but her gut tightened at the sight of the precipitous drop, and she edged back over to the driver's side.
Before her nerves failed her, she opened the driver's door, and stamped her left foot down into the brush, as if with her sandal and blind luck she could squash the rustling critter. A small grey creature - a ferret? a weasel? - sprang out of the brush and scampered away into the woods on the far side of the road.
"She's here! She's here!" the creature squeaked as it ran.
That was when Naomia realized that she had not just taken a wrong turn back at the covered bridge, but had fallen into some kind of rabbit hole; no wonder the Taurus had just ... died: machines likely didn't work on This Side. "Dammit, Wonderland always creeped me out," she muttered, taking the useless cellphone and throwing it at the creature.
She had had a definite choice back at the crossroads: to follow the main highway or to take a side road that led over a quaint covered bridge; in her inimitable style, she had, of course, chosen "quaint". Now, she was beginning to wish she had taken the highway, even with all that it entailed. She turned to the left and began to trudge through the over-grown roadway toward the bridge; surely she could just walk over it on foot and find her way back through the rabbit hole.
As she backtracked what she thought had been a short drive, Naomi kept hearing things whispering and moving about in the brush to her right. Even more worrisomely - she could hear her English prof telling her that wasn't a word - was the fact that the bridge, which, when she had begun walking was a brown square blur about a half a K away, now seemed to be retreating from her. She stopped, and looked back for her car, only to find that it had disappeared.
When she turned back towards the bridge, it was no longer in sight and the road in that direction had narrowed to a muddy path. When she dressed that morning, she'd known she was going to regret wearing sandals. With both car and bridge no longer in sight, and no choice but to accept her footwear, the next decision was pick a direction, which she solved by flipping the quarter she found in her jeans pocket.
As the coin spun in the air, she realized that it no longer showed Queen Elizabeth on one side and a moose on the other, but now featured a curious glyph and a portrait of a stern-looking king with pointy ears. "What have you gotten yourself into?" Naomi asked herself aloud as the coin landed portrait side up and it grinned evilly at her.
"Why whatever mischief happens to those who go down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass,over the rainbow just be careful for what you wish." came a voice from the bushes, making Naomi jump as she had not expected an answer to her rhetorical question. A short dumpy woman stepped out from the shubbery and smiled merrily at Naomi. Naomi couldn't say who or what she had expected to step out into her view, a white rabbit, a dormouse carrying his teapot, a Mad Hatter but not a Disneyesque Fairy Godmother who was busily pulling twigs from her hair.
"Who are you?" she asked.
The woman smiled, showing pointy teeth. Whoa!!! Naomi had always thought of herself as a survivor and now she turned heel and despite those stupid fashion choice sandals dug her toes in and sprinted away from the small woman as fast as she could.
"Head her off!" the woman shouted behind her.
Naomi was startled to a sudden halt when the path was suddenly blocked by a group of angry looking gnomes. Gnomes, she thought to herself, why did it have to be gnomes? Naomi pushed her gnome issues aside and took stock of her situation, quickly assessing her options, which she decided were few, as she picked up a good stout stick and planted her feet firmly on the soft loam under her.
In keeping with the way her day was going, the ground beneath her feet promptly gave way, and she tumbled down about eight feet to land in what she thought the gnomes had set up as a troll trap. Hitting the bottom hard, the air whooshing out of her lungs, leaving Naomi blinking and gasping, as her gaze went upwards to see the gnomes and the strange woman peering down at her. That was distressing enough, but then another figure loomed, huge and terrifying, behind the cluster of gnomes: a troll!
She may not like gnomes, but she had bigger ones with what she believed in her heart would be wholesale slaughter so she sucked the air back into her lungs and screamed.."Behind you...look out...monster!"
"No, no, dearie," the strange woman said in an overly sweet tone. "The monster here is you!"
The troll gave the lie to the woman's statement by picking her up by the waist and casually tossing her over his shoulder.
Well as far as Naomi could make out as the gnomes fell into confused disarray was the Troll was being a troll and that the woman was in danger so despite her better judgement she shouted "Get me out of here and I will help!"
Most of the gnomes ignored her shout - they were a bit preoccupied dodging the troll's lumbering and clumsy attempts to swat them - but one sturdy young fellow threw a rope down to her. Without hesitation Naomi gripped the rope and holding her stick as best she could climbed up hand over hand till she reached the top. The sturdy young gnome who had helped her gave her a cheery smile, and the two of them waded into the fray together, a fray that was mostly marked by gnomes being seized and tossed aside.
Naomi was sure she couldn't overpower the troll, so talking to it or escaping seemed like the best bets - maybe both at once. Naomi never thought that field hockey had any practical application when forced to play in high school, but now she was able to use that thick stick and the training she had undergone to her advantage, bringing its heavy knobby end down on a bunion on the trolls foot.
The troll opened its maw wide to howl its pain, displaying fearsome teeth and a complete lack of dental care, and then, clutching its injured foot, it fell onto the ground, luckily missing squashing any gnomes on the way down.
Troll down! it was time to smack his arm or hand as the cheery helpful gnome pulled the short lady away and the other gnomes proceeded to batter the large predator with their weapons till his captive was free! Naomi switched from field hockey to baseball: she rested her stick briefly on her shoulder, thought of the Jays winning the World Series in 1993, swung the stick and knocked the troll's head right out of the park - literally!
As she watched the head sail out of the park, or whatever, Naomi pointed over at the fence, and asked a gnome "What's over there?"
A rather grumpy gnome glanced at her and then answered "I wouldn't worry about it. You can't get there from here!" and then proceeded to chuckle as he went to the short woman and made sure she was alright.
Naomi exchanged mystified glances with the cheery young gnome and then stuck her hand out - down - to him: "I'm Naomi."
The gnome didn't reach out for her hand, but he looked up at the other lady and she nodded. With the permission of the older woman, the cheery young fellow smiled and said, "Hello, Nay Oh Me, I am called Frittle."
<Any port in a storm> thought Naomi as she nodded to the gnome "Can you please tell me,Frittle ..." her words petered out and she shook her head trying to figure what question to ask as a million suddenly raced through her head.
Frittle seemed to understand her confusion, for he smiled kindly. "Did you come from the land of the crazy steel, in your magic carriage?"
It took Naomi a moment to translate his meaning, but then she nodded and said, "And now here I am in ... what is this place called?"
Frittle scratched at his beard as he considered this question "Well depends on who you be asking Nay-Oh- Me but our scholars call it Braeshire..but mostly we just call it home."
"Are troll attacks a common problem here in Braeshire?" Noaomi ask (smiling within herself at having been given the name of "Nay Oh Me"; she wondered if Frittle would start calling her "Nay" when he got to know her better).
"Well, the thing is - the trolls themselves are not so common around these parts, but when you see a troll, you can be pretty sure there's going to be trouble."
"No time for chit-chat!" the old woman scolded Naomi and Frittle.
Naomi looked around and blurted out, "Why not?"
"Now that you're here, Nay Oh Me, we can begin the Quest, of course!" Frittle said.
"Okay, maybe not Wonderland," Naomi muttered to herself.
"There's a ... quest?" she asked aloud, looking from Frittle to the old woman.
"Of course there's a quest, why do you think we brought you here?" said the old woman. She smiled, which might have softened her features if it hadn't been for the pointy teeth which now showed again.
"So, it wasn't my fault I drove the wrong way?"
"What the use of assigning blame?" Frittle said, but he hung his head in a way that told Naomi he had been blamed - but for what?
"If I help with this quest do I get to return home?" Naomi inquired softly thinking getting back to this 'QUEST' might be best for now rather then placing blame.
"Well now, that depends, doesn't it?" said the old woman.
"Depends on what?" Naomi said with a bit of a growl in her voice as all these run-about answers were getting on her last good nerve.
"It depends on whether you can defeat the dragon," Frittle said, still hanging his head in shame.
"And why would it be up to me to slay the the thing?" Naomi asked incredulously before she snapped, "AND STOP ACTING AS IF YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG!"